About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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