he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
