Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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