i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
