I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
