We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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