I cockslap morals
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
