Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
