are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
