Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
