So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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