theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
