what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
