i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
