I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
