Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
