I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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