I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
