There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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