Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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