if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
