Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
