That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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