Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
