When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
