It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
