And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
