she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
