She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
