12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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