I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
