omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
