Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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