we have pet lesbian snakes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
