I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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