then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
