Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
