I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Randomize
