Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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