Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
