His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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