Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
