No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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