Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
