oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
