got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
