she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
