Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
