may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
