So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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