then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Found the puke drawer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
